selfish of self-protection?

You might have heard this before, although this might sounds like a direct translation, it's that if you don't live for yourself, the world shall be destroyed. Put it simply, what it means is that live for yourself, do things that benefit you. This what is happening in our modern society, however, there is still some exceptions where they do care for others and willing to sacrifise for others. However, this type of people is becoming less as the world modernize.

I have met those kind people before, especially the days in Singapore, most of my friends are willing to help others even if they are very busy. We are true to each other as the smile we give to each other is the truest and the laughter we had is real becuase we had the true fun together. There won't be any backstabbing, although it happened before, but it is not that serious, more like a joke. We can play for the whole day without worrying anything, that is why I cherish my friends that I met in Singapore, even if we might not be able to meet each other again.

As I came back to Taiwan and entered NTNU, I was forced to put on a "protection", such that I won't be hurt by others. I realized that a part of my misery that I am suffering now is caused by meeting the wrong kind of people. I used to trust others totally, but I was being betrayed even though I am true to them. I used to help others whenever possible, but my efforts were being wasted when they threw those hurtful and mean words at my face. Even though I did all that I can for her, but in the end I was being hurt deeply. The Second term which lasted from March to end of June in NTNU is like a hell for me. Although you may hear other people saying they enjoyed it, the difference is because that the people we met are different. During that period of time, I really cannot trust anyone around me, because I was being backstabbed by the one who I respected the most. Those whom I trusted say bad things about me and her behind my back even though they say they are doing this for my benefit, preventing me from being hurt by her. But just wait a second, since when I need others to help when they are adding on to the problem. I can't tell if their smiles are meant to be friendly or they are having some evil plan in their heads again. I can't help myself from getting more self-centered .

However, as I enter CGU, I am getting back to my normal self, where I can be true to other and trust those friends that I have now. I am those kind of person who feels upset when I can't be true to others and unable to trust anyone, this just make my life so miserable. I do not want to live for myself only, this kind of life is simply too vake, I want to live for my family, for the one I love, for those friends that I cherish the most, and why only live for yourself?